Call Me D | Review of The Shins show | Mental Help
I like the name "D." It's so direct and simple. My partner calls me D. One of my favorite high school friends called me D. My nephew calls me Auntie D ... and it makes me feel incredibly warm. What's up with that?? Well, being in auntie is awesome. I get to be kind and smiley to this tiny, handsome child who "gifts" me raw, honest love and energy in return.
PS I'm perfectly fine with being called Diane. I love "D Mills" too!
I used to be called Miller... back when I was jock. I loved it. Perhaps I prefer names that seem to hang, so to speak, around my real name.
I saw The Shins live in concert, for the second time, a week ago. Oh, dear blog! Oh, Inverted World! O-M-Gee! How I loved it so. I definitely didn't feel alone in my heart-soaring feelings. Folks were swaying and jamming all around the concert bowl. James, the lead singer, had an ever-so-slight discomfort talking to the crowd, which made me grow even fonder of him. Let's face it -- James is a highly creative, sensitive phenom with a yelpy, poetic voice.
This weekend I went to Itasca State Park to celebrate my partner's birthday. There's something about fishing off a dock on a secluded lake that is so serene and comforting. There's also something especially satisfying about going jogging with your loved one in nature. It's unlike anything else.
I need all the mental help I can get these days. That is, so I don't spiral into depression and despair. Few people seem to know I struggle with it. Some people don't seem to understand how I possibly could struggle with it, given my many blessings. Well, it's real... My stomach always hurts, I constantly feel like I am letting people down, and I cry a lot. The last time I went three days without my anxiety medication I was sobbing in a state of hopeless despair, fearful that I was a horrible, worthless person who nobody should have to deal with. I know better not to go off my meds now. I also am now seeing a therapist.
Why share this? Because I strongly believe being honest about who you are is important. My mental illness will always be a part of me. And now that I've become a public person (indeed, a path I've chosen for myself), it's easy for me to feel misunderstood -- especially cause I have a tendency to keep to myself. Yes, I can be socially graceful, but I also can be very awkward and self-conscious. Geminiiiiii!
My most effective therapies include serving people, doing something musical or exercising. Perhaps it makes sense why I thrive on dancing on stage. Yah know, the last time I danced on stage, I swear I did something right because I felt positivity energy radiating right back at me in every direction. It does NOT always happen like that. But when it does, it feeds my drive to perform.
Today, I feel more confident than ever I've done something right with my life and I can continue on this path. Does this stop the depressed thoughts from recurring? Unfortunately not.
Let's say, thank you for psychologists and therapist and loved ones...And music. It's does save.
D Mills & The Thrills record is now out if you haven't heard: https://dmillsandthethrills.bandcamp.com/